RD.COM Humor Anecdotes
Editors of Reader's DigestUpdated: May 26, 2023
When you need a quick laugh.
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Have you ever started telling a joke but forgot the punch line halfway through? Forgetting can be fun in itself, but no one wants the embarrassment of spoiling a good joke, especially if it's one of thefunniest jokes ever. Sometimes you need a quick laugh on demand, and what better way to do that than with one of these short pranks? You can pull them out of the back pocket when you need something fun on the gofunniest one-linerssome"how do you say?" jokesand even something to make the little ones laughshort jokes for kids.
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What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
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I invented a new word!
Plagiarism!
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Have you heard of math who is afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
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Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has its cast. Here are somedark jokesto see if you have a morbid sense of humor.
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Helvetica and Times New Roman enter the bar.
"Go away!" shouts the bartender. "We don't support your type."
RELATED:Jokes at the bar
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Yesterday I saw a guy who spilled all his Scrabble letters in the street. I asked him: "What's going on in the street?"
My dog once ate all the Scrabble tiles. He left little messages at home for days. Don't miss these fun onesegg punsit will absolutely blow you away.
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Hit! Hit!
Who's there?
Control the monster.
Cheat…
Okay, now you're saying, "Who's a control freak?"
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Have you heard of a new restaurant called Karma?
No menu: You get what you deserve.
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The sergeant suddenly shouted, "You shouldn't! It will not! Could not! NO! Tilt!"
"Don't worry," said the doctor. "It's just contractions."
RELATED:Dad is joking
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The bear enters the bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and ... Coke."
"Why this long pause?" the bartender asks. The bear shrugged. - I'm not sure? I was born with them.
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Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a phase.
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Ever heard of the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
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Why do scientists not trust atoms?
Because they make it all up.
RELATED:Biology jokes
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Why did the chicken go to the concert?
Get to the other side. Check out these others"Why did the chicken cross the road?" jokesfor more laughs.
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Where are average things made?
Satisfactory.
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How to strangle a hipster?
Throw him into the mainstream.
RELATED:Mom is funny
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What sits at the bottom of the sea and vibrates?
A bundle of nerves.
RELATED:Limericks for kids
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What Makes Pepper Smell?
Get the jalapeño business!
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How does Moses make tea?
he is preparing.
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Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take everything literally.
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How do you keep a bagel from disappearing?
Put it in bed.
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The man says to his doctor, "Doctor, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I can't keep up with you..."
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What exercises do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
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Why don't graduates of mathematics studies organize house parties?
Why you should never drink and pump.
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What is the backward jumping rabbit parade called?
Retreating hare line.
RELATED:Work from home jokes
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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thyme, the worst of thyme.
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What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
The cat has claws on the ends of its paws. A comma is a pause at the end of a sentence. Don't forget to bookmark these others"What's the difference between" jokesit will crush you.
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Why is the number 288 never mentioned?
There are two thick ones.
RELATED:Saint Patrick's Day Jokes
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What did Tenentropus say when he was hit by a steamboat?
"Burning! Foiling Again!"
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What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb as a gift?
Thanks - I will never part with it!
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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with all.
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What does the left eye say to the right eye?
Something smells between us.
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What is fake pasta called?
One ferments.
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How to make a paper dance?
Pour some alcohol in there.
RELATED:Dental Jokes
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What did 0 in 8 say?
Nice belt!
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What is the name of the cough pony?
Little horse.
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What did one hat say to another?
Wait here. I'll go to my head. If you liked it, you will enjoy thesedog jokes.
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What is the name of the magic dog?
labrador.
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What did the shark say when it ate the clown fish?
This one tastes a bit funny.
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What is an orange and what looks like a carrot?
Parrot.
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Why can't you hear the pterodactyl going to the toilet?
Because "P" is silent.
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What is a woman with one leg called?
Eileen.
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What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Yes my friend.
RELATED:funny tweets
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Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car ran away from the toad.
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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison.
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What's the favorite part of an astronaut's computer?
Space.
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Why did yogurt go to the art fair?
Because it was cultural.
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What is an apology written with periods and dashes called?
Morse code again.
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Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it cooled down.
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My dog once ate all the Scrabble tiles.
He left little messages at home.
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I told my wife she raised her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
RELATED:Funny related tweets
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Did you hear about the two people who stole the diary?
Each of them was six months old.
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What is Forest Gump's password?
1 Las 1.
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How do poets greet each other?
Hi, we don't do shuttle service? If you're a fan of words, go ahead20 funny grammar jokes.
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Where does Batman go to the bathroom?
Bathroom.
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Why did Oreo go to the dentist?
Because it has lost its filling.
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What do you get from a petted cow?
Spilled milk.
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Why is it embarrassing to eat next to basketball players?
They drift all the time.
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What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?
Any dog, because buildings can't jump.
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How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. Next time you subtract 10 from 90.
RELATED:The funniest Twitter accounts
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Why did M&M go to school?
He wanted to be Smart.
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Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
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How does a rabbi make coffee?
Jews it.
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I bought my daughter a refrigerator for her birthday.
I can't wait for her face to light up when she opens it.
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I poured root beer into a square glass.
I only have beer now.
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Why are koalas not real bears?
They do not react to koalas.
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Rest in peace in boiling water.
You will be fog.
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What is the name of a rooster looking at a bunch of lettuce?
The chicken sees the salad.
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Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case he needs to draw blood.
RELATED:Funny tweets for parents
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How to throw a space party?
Ty planeto.
RELATED:Cosmic puns
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Numbers 19 and 20 had a fight.
21.
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Why was it so hot on the baseball field after the game?
All the fans left.
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What is the name of the train that carries chewing gum?
Chewing train.
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Why did the math book visit the guidance counselor?
He needed help finding his problems.
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Why can't male ants drown?
These are buoys.
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Want to hear a construction joke?
No problem, I'm still working on it.
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Is talk cheap?
Have you ever talked to a lawyer?
RELATED:Plant puns
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Why was the gym closed?
It just didn't work!
 | Want even more jokes? Enjoy 100 years of our best jokes, stories, riddles and cartoons in a brand new collection,Laughter is the best medicine in 2023. |
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Two artists had an art competition.
It ended in a draw!
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I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost the case.
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I'm afraid of speed bumps.
But I'm slowly coming to my senses.
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Where can you find a cow without legs?
Where did you leave it.
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What did one traffic light say to another?
Stop looking! Change!
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What sandals do frogs wear?
Open the toad!
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Why was the six afraid of the seven?
Because seven ate nine.
RELATED:Love puzzles
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What is the name of the boomerang that doesn't return?
Stick!
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What starts with E, ends with E, and only has 1 letter?
Covered.
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Why doesn't the sun go to college?
Because he has a million points!
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How to count cows?
With a puppeteer.
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Why are skeletons so peaceful?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
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Why is England the wettest country?
Because so many kings and queens reigned there.
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Have you heard of school kidnappings?
is fine. Wake up.
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What are the shark's two favorite words?
The man in the sea!
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Can February come?
No, but April can.
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Where are the sheep sheared?
Sklep baa baa!
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Why are ghosts such bad liars?
Because they are easy to see.
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Why does Humpty Dumpty love fall?
Because Humpty Dumpty had a big fall.
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Where do the fish sleep?
At the bottom of the river.
RELATED:Fishing games
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How are trees connected to the Internet?
They just connect!
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What is the name of a bear without teeth?
Rubber bear.
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Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always seen. Now that you've learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classicsLaffy Taffy is jokingthat will brighten everyone's day.
Submit your best jokeHereand get $25 if Reader's Digest releases it.
Originally published: May 25, 2021